Dorian,
I was reading a book of short stories today and the strangest thing happened. The writing style reminded me of someone familiar. The desire to achieve something has started killing things inside me. I laid in bed for 4 hours today after strange dreams with the past and present orgasm. I dont know why I let my mind paralyze and influence the body. I was underwater most of the day, and yet I come home to a painkiller and PBR. I really want to be there with people scattered about this country and mindset like the ashes of an unknown loved one. The magnetism of shared others work like ions on the psyche. Attraction and repulsion baby, back and forth. The idea of looking forward to keep from falling backward. I feel like the best thing you can give yourself is yourself, but we leave ourselves behind, for better or for worse. I wanted to see you and talk about everything except what is bothering you. I dont think I am that to you though. Comic relief and mortification, whatever you need. You need time and quiet and sorting and cigarettes. Dualism is overrated and convictions are for criminals. The eternal quest for the one line that will save us all from the self inflicted and the self effacing. Maybe one day we will find it.
Weird, but appropriate. The Cure's In Between Days
1 comment:
"I wanted to see you and talk about everything except what is bothering you."
This is mostly what I want from my interpersonal relationships in life. Let's not both carry your cross. Let's take these burdens of ours to the grave. You had a bad day, you have a shitty boss, you're g/f-b/f doesn't want to fuck doggy style, 9/11 happened, you get put on hold for 20 minutes calling your cell provider, your cat died, you have a splinter...make yourself like the reinforced steel toxic waste drum I know you can be; take this shit to the grave. As for now, let us drink and walk and laugh about the sins for which you sought absolution only to find they had become your eyes and ears and legs.
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